<Anti console rant> So, you got caught up in the hype and actually purchased a new Sega Dreamcast, eh? Well, pat yourself on the back because you’ve just become the proud owner of a light weight PC without the RAM, the resolution, the processing power, and the versatility of a PC. Despite this white piece of ass breaking over 100 million dollars in sales on opening day, Sega’s flagship console never soared to the lofty expectations insiders were expecting. So I say again, which one of you schmucks actally spent $200 on this? Well, if you were unfortunate enough to pick up this poorly named, ill conceived unit, then I’ve got a few suggestions:

10. Play the hell out of Ready 2 Rumble, Virtua Fighter 2, and Knights, which were the only decent games in its entire library. Then keep your fingers crossed that Sega finally releases a working modem so you can start playing online. Oh wait – that never happened.

9. Play Power Stone and relive your rebellious days with your pimple faced friends.

8. Draw a picture of Sonic on the top cover of the system, then sell it on eBay for $500 as a limited collector’s edition.

7. Try to go online using the Dreamcast dreadful 56K modem and visit your favorite site. Once there. try to navigate your way without a mouse or keyboard. Good luck!

     

  • CPU: 128-but Hitachi SH-4 RISC Processor
  • Graphics: NEC CLX2 Processor
  • RAM: 16MB, 8MB Video, 2MB Sound
  • Colors: 16.7 Million
  • Polygons: 3 million per second
  • Game Media: 1.2GB ROM / 12x Access Speed
  • Resolution: 640 x 480 pixels
  • Sound: Yamaha 54-channel
  • Operation System: Custom Windows

6. When your eyes start straining from the 640×480 resolution, you can add more RAM and a better graphics card — oh wait, again! No, you can’t!

5. Buy that snazzy fishing reel controller and a six pack of Budweiser and invite a few of your flannel, cap-wearing friends over. Get stupidly drunk and proceed to talk perverted things with each other. 

 

4. Go online and battle against all the other players in a thrilling game of A-Train III. Now that’s some entertainment!

3. Sell your system and whatever knick-knack accessories that came with it to the highest bidder on eBay. 

2. Or, you can try to resell it to GameStop for some measly sore credit. Imagine investing nearly a thousand dollars for the system and a bunch of games and getting $40 bucks in store credit. What a bargain!

1. Put the thing back in the back of your Impala along with your Betamax, laser disc player, Atari Jaguar and 32x, and tell your friends you’re simply an ‘early adaptor’ to technology. </rant>

Best Selling DC Games
  • Sonic Adventure
  • Crazy Taxi
  • NFL Football 2K
  • Shenmue
  • Resident Evil: Code Veronica
  • NFL Football 2K1
  • Seaman
  • Sega Rally Championship
  • Virtua Fighter 2
  • Jet Set Radio
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